It saddens me when I read profiles on Twitter and biographies on other social media outlets, where people state, almost proudly, that they are depressives or have other mental health issues.
As I did for more than two decades, until a few years ago, many people seem to wear depression as a badge or flash it, on introduction, like a journalist would their ‘Press Card’, as if saying: “This is who I am.”
As much as I feel it’s important – vital, in fact – to communicate and discuss our feelings in regard to these disorders of the mind, I think it’s counter-productive to identify with depression as if it’s a central part of who we are. It’s not.
The more we attach ourselves to the idea (i.e. the dysfunctional thought) that we are in some way ‘faulty’, the more we galvanise that notion, within. It becomes a form of self-discrimination, perpetuating the ego’s perceived control over us, and the more we feed our ego, the tougher it is to break the cycle of critical over-thinking, which is the source of emotional anxiety and pain.
Acknowledgement and acceptance of any depressive episode is imperative in taking the first steps to overcome it, but no more than a person who has cancer would call themselves a cancer, those who experience depressive states do not have to identify themselves as depressives.
I doubt there is one person who has experienced or is experiencing depression that doesn’t have a whole host of other, positive qualities that far outshine that perceived negative.
I walked for too long in the shadow of my ego, much to the detriment of my early life, but I don’t – now – consider myself a depressive, a recovered depressive, a depression survivor or anything else along those lines.
I’m a human being. There are good days and not so good days, but the adoption of a positive frame of mind and the rejection of the egoic compulsion to think I’m imperfect means there are no more terrible days.
I hope some people find this post useful.
A great site to discuss depression, read inspiring stories and find real help, rather than sympathy and the perpetuation of misery, is Ruby Wax’s ‘Black Dog Tribe’:
www.blackdogtribe.com
www.blackdogtribe.com
Les, this was a great post and quite timely. Definitely useful.
ReplyDeleteYour post caught me in a fit of....I don't even know what to call it now.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, that sure was helpful for me.
Thanks for the reminder. Glad you are so willing to share your observations about yourself with the rest of the world. :) Makes it easier for me to look at myself from a different viewpoint when you present the experience of "being depressed" the way you do.
ReplyDelete"Centered balance" in all things is 'the key'.
ReplyDeleteUntil recent decades talking about depression and other mental health issues was like 'taboo'. People with this issues were demeaned, diminished, blatantly treated with unkindness, downright cruelty, discriminated against. Compassion was in very short measure. So that 'balance' was all to one side. There was really nothing good about all of that.
Then recent decades, more people experiencing issues, advanced technology, television talks shows helped bring these issues forward. Dialogues, conversations, sharings were actually possible. This evolved to not only people with issues now being 'unashamed'(which was in fact a good thing) but also evolving to exactly what you said 'wearing their issues like a badge'. (I too am not exactly sure that is such a good thing.) That balance shifted to the way other side from where it had been.
NOW, IF I 'get' what you are saying is this....these 'issues' specifically 'depression' don't 'define you' as a human being, a soul, a spirit and you indicate you wish others wouldn't let that 'define them' when they do have issues??? To some extent, I do agree with that except, each individual has their own 'evolving' until they can integrate their own unique epiphany of which you describe.
HOWEVER ~ I've recently been studying Hal Urban specifically his 2004 book "Positive Words, Powerful Results. In this book he lists "The Dirty Thirty" of language that drags people down. #12 on the list is "complaining, moaning, whining" which is #2 of the "The Flagrant Four" (the top four language things that turn others OFF).
So I say, don't use depression or other mental health issues to drag yourself and others down if you can help it. Some folks really aren't 'self-aware' and they aren't in a 'state of being' where they can help it. Then their are other folks who are very self aware and use their depression or mental issues to simply 'strike out'.
I apologize I have now written you a NOVEL in replying, but I want to give you one real life example. On twitter there is a person I really want to like and converse with. I have conversed when they seemed to be 'down' several times over the past year. I felt I needed to quit doing that because I can't help them by consistently doing that. They are in a constant state of complaining, moaning, whining and in trying to just 'be a friend' when I reply to that, it seems to reinforce that whatever it is to continue. So either, bless them for they simply are not in the least 'self-aware' or they are very 'self-aware' and this gets them the attention they need to perpetuate doing this.
In conclusion, I end as I began 'Centered balance' in all things is 'the key'. I wrote you this novel, I'm not really positive that it has helped in any way, but indeed, I felt the need to say. Thank you ~ Kaye ~ your friend @grammakaye on twitter.
Les, I couldn't agree more. I spent a lot of years (too many) being "depressed." The first several were, I think, valid (my mother, whom I adored, was bipolar and committed suicide, then my aunt, her sister, committed suicide a few years later). Clearly struggling under the stress of those and other life events, I was encouraged to take antidepressants... which I remained on for over 10 years. While I fully believe in antidepressants for acute clinical depression, I don't believe they are a long-term solution for many reasons, one of which is how the fact of taking the medication becomes part of the "depressive" identity, which then further feeds the depression. One day I finally realized how detached I felt, did some research on how to wean myself off, and after a couple of months was medication free. Awakening from the fog was bittersweet. It was wonderful to finally be present, but it was painful to think that I'd basically floated through and missed the entire decade of my 30s being on that medication. I still have a some regret (I had so many plans before I started the meds), but I'm learning to forgive myself, and am more centered than ever. I no longer wear a badge of depression. Life is full of ups and downs, and it's wonderful to be able to recognize this, and feel it. Not wallow in it, but recognize the emotions and make decisions about how I'm going to handle/process them, whether it's through journaling, or something akin to meditation, which dor me often takes the form of exercise or cleaning. Most situations in life don't warrant the drama that's attached to them.
ReplyDeleteAwesome post, Les. I couldn't agree more and I'm so happy for you that you found the light that brought you out of the tunnel:-)
ReplyDeleteLes ... Great post. As someone who experienced serious depression until my mid 20's, I know it can't just be "wished away". But I am more and more moved by the Buddhist notion that attachment to our thoughts and feelings -- thinking that they define us-- is yet another road to suffering. It's so easy to assume that feeling bad is about you while feeling good is about responding to your circumstances. But both are simply feelings or thoughts passing through your mind. We can let them control us ... or we can recognize them for what they are.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Les. I've seen people do the same thing with diseases. They've been given a label and begin to call themselves that, as if they are the disease. The label is more debilitating than the condition. I'm glad you also mentioned the survivor label. If someone has overcome something, that's great, but to define yourself as a survivor of it is to keep it tied to you because you've made it your identity.
ReplyDeleteI gained a lot from this post as well. I know a few people who ARE their diseases or illnesses or hangups. Carolyn Mys, a charismatic intuitive healer, calls this "Woundology." It is a sickness all too prevalent, a sort of massive co-dependency. Les makes some excellent points about this situation.
DeleteGreat blog post. Some loss of identity runs concurrent with depression but we don't want to make it who we are!
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Well said!
DeleteThanks for the timely post, Les. My concern is for the people who remain unaware and in denial. Consequently, they are not getting the help that they need and end up as a suicide stat. I've been on medication off and on since the early 90's when Prozac was all the rage. Unfortunately, it had the effect of making things seem like "not that big of a deal". Therefore, my decision making abilities were altered. I'm sure other people can relate to that. The other important point that I believe I have witnessed within myself is that of giving life to negative thought patterns. It really can have powerful consequences. We might as well have the positive thoughts come to fruition instead. We'd all be much happier!
ReplyDeleteWell said Les. It's great that you have been able to turn things around for yourself and be you and not anything else.
ReplyDeleteWell said! Adopting exactly the same attitude turned things around for me too.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this. I too am now coming to a certain understanding about this. The best way to heal is to shine a light on the darkness, not perpetuate the darkness.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who's bounced around various aspects of depression I have very mixed views on this.
ReplyDeleteAs someone with chronic depression, I will identify myself as a depressive quite calmly; it's been with me for a good part of my life and shows no sign of going away. I say "I have depression" like "I have a nose". It's a part of me, that's all, and I acknowledge it. Having a nose does not define me; having depression does not define me either.
However, I heartily agree with you about labelling oneself as "faulty". I've not seen people flash it as a badge of pride, but I've seen them use it as a marker of identity - one I think is misguided because it perpetuates the discriminatory idea that mentally healthy people are somehow better than mentally ill people.
And in communities that focus a lot on the notions of "faultiness", it can turn into a kind of depressive echo chamber - other people constantly feeding the doubts in your head. I don't enjoy judging people, but that's yet more social conditioning that people don't need.
Thanks Les. Your insight is invaluable and your expressive writing reveals what you see so clearly. Stay well, friend.
ReplyDeleteI understand the ups and downs..I have been reading the Untethered Soul and it has helped tremendously. Bad days do come along, deal with the negative to the best of your ability and the situation happening around you. Then just let it go and moved forward with a positive attitude.
ReplyDeleteLes, your post holds true for so many. It is very inspiring. I think in many cases people can separate themselves from depression. Even if their mental illness is a permanent part of them, they don't have to let it define who they are.
ReplyDeleteYou said it....there are good days and bad days, and perhaps the bad ones are fed by an overdose of the ego and trying to satisfy it.
ReplyDeleteGreat post on re-framing the weaknesses in ourselves. I think it's one thing to admit and accept what one has suffered but another to hold it to us like a badge which undermines recovery and health. We all suffer from something and it's better to focus on the positives. Great post Les.
ReplyDeleteLes, I appreciate this article's content and your transparency re: depression.
ReplyDeleteThere seems to be a fine line between appropriate introspection and self-definition when it comes to this condition. One usually cannot get well until there is recognition of the condition and an effort to seek help. However, it can become a liability and a way-of-life if the symptoms are integrated and become a part of one's personality.
Thank you once again for this frank discussion.
I have a lot of work to do. thanks for shining the light
ReplyDeletePerfectionism is an attitude that leads to depressions, too. A writer named Hillary Rettig has done some outstanding work on the subject. Check out
ReplyDeletewww.HillaryRettig.com
Very cool post. I just recently started following your blog, but I look forward to contributing more in the future
ReplyDeletewhat to do about depression
Great stuff Les... Couldn't agree more. I work in the area of teenage depression and anxiety disorders and it is disturbing how keen so many are to a) RECEIVE a diagnosis and b) IDENTIFY WITH that diagnosis as opposed to just identifying it and seeing it as an opportunity to learn about yourself and reality. I often feel the need to reiterate that depression and anxiety are verbs not nouns... something you are DOING in response to your mindset and life events not something you have like a contagious disease.
ReplyDeleteI'm an R.N. with 9 years psychiatric experience. I think your post is amazing and kudos to you!! Keep well....and content!
ReplyDeletePatricia, Sugar & Spice & All Things ? Nice
Good stuff Les. Unfortunately I think a lot of those people who badge themselves with having depression are those who don't truly suffer from it. Some are looking for an excuse because of bad life choices and don't do anything but go on medication because doctors so easily prescribe it. Some of those need a kick in the behind and most need lifestyle changes. Some of those who truly suffer keep it a secret because they're afraid of being labeled faulty or of falling into the habit of labeling themselves. The bad days if used wisely can be a gift. Especially for a creative person.
ReplyDeleteHere, here! Inspired post as can be seen from some of your comments. Good to make your acquaintance. You sound like my kind of person.
ReplyDeleteInteresting article, I think this also goes to the fact that our minds (ego) find it easier to linger into negativity and complex issues than to simply things and adapt a positive mindset...
ReplyDeleteGreat Blog very insightful thank you x
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