Rebuilding the Colossus

Arnie has more muscle on his fingers...

I don’t believe in coincidence.

When I look over my life, every major and minor event, every tragedy and fleeting moment of joy, every perceived victory and defeat has led me directly to where I am, right now, tapping at this keyboard…

… and I am truly happy and at peace within myself.

Looking back, briefly, it seems that everything that every happened happened for good reason, because it brought me to this moment.

I have no complaints at all.

I wish for nothing more than I have right now.

From an external perspective, it could be argued that it is impossible I’m authentic in expressing this state of tranquillity…

I mean, I’m 37-years-old, back sitting in my bedroom at my elderly mother’s house. I’m out of work, I have no relationship, no money in the bank. I have debts and don’t know how I’ll pay them.

Likely more than half my life has gone by and I don’t really have anything to show for it.

I have no idea what I’ll be doing next week, or even tomorrow.

So how could I possibly be happy?

Well… because…

I am.

I’m just being.

If I was still gripped in my old, pre-awakened mindset, no doubt I’d be crippled with fear, worry and regret right now… yet I’ve got a smile in my eyes and a glow in my heart as I write, because I’m not that man any more.

This is my reality, and resisting ‘what is’ is as futile as asking the Sun not to set, or the tides not to turn.

I know things will change and - without wanting them so badly that it takes me outside the beauty of this moment – I have my plans and ambitions, even if I don’t know the exact route to achieving most of them quite yet.

One of the things I’m about to put a focus on, though, is changing my body through a process of actually looking after it… properly… at long last.

I’m thinking that - now I actually love life - it would be very wise to take care of the machine I’ll be travelling in for the next few decades; fuelling and maintaining it on a level that I’ve never really considered before and transforming it from something of a chugging oil guzzler into a zippy, nitro-boosted supercar.

The thing is, a week ago... though I had already made it an intention to ‘get fit’… all that would have entailed was a daily walking and weights routine, alongside the input of a bit more protein into my system to help build muscle. I bought a couple of tubs of chocolaty whey powder last Friday to do that job.

Then, at the weekend, a ‘coincidence’ occurred…

Just days after my new resolve, I received an email from a woman in The New World of the Americas, and after some very gracious words about my blog, she asked me:

“I am curious (only because I have done my own “studies”) how much, if any, has exercise and nutrition played into your clarity and on your journey?”

I pondered it for a bit… and I’ve got a beard at the moment, so it was some proper, fingery-chinning pondering, too…

Since the awakening, apart from a new obsession of stomping up mountains whenever I can, I haven’t set myself to any serious regime in way of either exercise or nutrition. I’ve been fuelling my body with cheese sandwiches, mainly. I’m not a scientist, but on pondering this woman’s email, I suddenly realised that’s probably not a very good diet to be attempting to get fit on.

My envisioned exercise approach was simply to burn more calories and take in more protein. I may have lost the weight and looked a little more toned, but it’s almost like trying to repair a car by spray painting it. Maybe the outside would look fine, but I’m sure it would still be a mess underneath.

Now - after this 'coincidental' email - my eyes have been opened to the fact that I should be doing this properly and taking a more wholesome approach to match up the state of my body to the peace in my mind and soul.

Also, I hope that – through this process – I can inspire others to start looking after themselves, too. I mean, as a lifelong tubster with only brief periods of being at a healthy weight, it’s very unlikely that I’ll do what I’m setting out to do…

… but I’ll do it.

And if I can do it, so can anyone else who chooses to.

It’s far from that I’m unhappy with my body. I just have the clarity, now, that I can give myself a much better chance at living a longer life if I really put effort into taking good care of it, so that’s what’s going to happen.

Whether I have more contact with the woman who emailed me or not, there’s an Eastern saying that’s appropriate, here:

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

I’m ready.