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| Curled up forever in my toasty-warm heart... |
I was there the moment Itchy died, on Midsummer’s Eve,
fifteen years ago, and I was there for his twin sister, Scratchy, earlier this
evening, when the vet injected her with anaesthetic, prior to administering the
heart-stopper medication.
She was calm and didn’t struggle or seem disturbed in any
way. I looked into her eyes and told her I loved her – and I love her, oh gosh
– and then her eyes weren’t seeing me any more, and never will again.
My beautiful little girl. I am typing this with tears
streaming down my face. It was the right decision, because she was so weak and
frail and ill… but, damn, it hurts so much to know that she’s dead. Gone. No
more purrs or head-butts or tail slinking around my lower leg as she brushes
past.
I explain how I first met her, along with her brother, in my
A Tale of Two Kitties blog. She’s been a constant source of love since we were
introduced, when she was an inquisitive kitten of eight weeks old. I’m coming
up to 40 and she’s been with me since my early 20s – sixteen-and-a-half years…
82 cat years. She is such a massive, massive part of my life… such an important
part of my family… and I just watched the light go out of her eyes.
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| Scratchy (left) and Itchy |
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| Fierce kitties! |
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| Titan, Scratchy & Orion |
I too am crying as I read this - RIP little friend xxx
ReplyDeleteHaving just done the same with my little boy I do know exactly how you feel. It's been a few months and I still weep when I think of him, how brave he was at the end and how much I love him. I know in time the ache will become less and I won't cry as much, but for now I embrace it. The furry children we love have special places in our lives and hearts. My heart is with you, your little girl was very lucky to have you for a parent.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss. xoxox
ReplyDeleteLes, I believe in your writing. I would send you money if I had it to give. As it is I can only send words and prayers. You have touched many, many people through your writing - I felt that I knew Scratchy and I shed tears for her. Bless you both.
ReplyDelete"And the greatest of these is love."
ReplyDeleteOw this is so sad! Rip Scratchy, may you be in cat heaven with your twin! And you Les, I wish you all the strength in the world and have respect for you writing this all down for the world to read!
ReplyDeleteDear Les, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss and hard times, I have faced the same situation myself many times in these hard days. keep strong and keep writing I love to read your stuff. I have tears pouring down my face as you described saying goodbye to your beloved cat so well it mirrored my own experience and I know exactly how you feel. Be strong and carry on. I just said a prayer for you, for that is all I can do. God bless xxx Caroline xx
ReplyDeleteOMG TEARS FLOWING. I am a lover of cat's. My heart hurts for you. Having gone thru loosing my cat last year, I pray for you that you hold fond memories and comforting words from supporters help heal your broken heart. Sending a huge hug
ReplyDeleteIt's a painful time when we have to put one of our friends to rest. You will remember the good times that you spent with your furry friend and be blessed with other friends in your life. I had to put my cat, Shotty, down when she was still quite young, but it was her time. I can relate to your lose and send healing hugs your way.
ReplyDeleteI know just how you felt.My dog of 16 years had to finally leave this world to cancer. As I held her to the end, I didn't care who saw me sobbing like a child hugging her, whispering, "love you". Didn't care who understood or not, as well intentioned friends later said, "Get another dog". Even as the vet injected her, I listened to her last heart beat, knowing her passing was the loss of a best friend never to be replace. If she could talk..
ReplyDeleteI saved her from a mean breeder who was drowning her brothers and sisters. Nursing her through those first fragile weeks, I didn't know if something that tiny could live, but she did. She could no more be replaced by another, than if she were my own child. Too many people don't understand that kind of love. Those little gifts from the universe have love that is unconditional. Few humans care that much about each other sadly. We could all learn about love from these simple miracles found just by taking a walk. Years later I still cry sometimes. So take your time, few understand that loss.
Thank you so much, Lynn. I'm glad you found each other and shared so much love, too.
DeleteThe 'get another dog/cat' people just don't get it, do they? :-/
No, they don't understand..Unconditional love just can't be replaced..sometimes not ever. Would someone ever say that if a child, parent etc. died? Just "replace them" indeed..To feel is human, tears are part of the process of healing. I hope it hurts less in time for you.
ReplyDeleteSoooo sad news
ReplyDeleteSorry for you loss Les :o(
ReplyDeleteThis post is just as if i had written it 4 weeks ago. We had to put Zibby down and I did the same...watched the anaesthetic go in via needle through the small shaven spot on his wee front leg and then we looked at each other me with tears streaming down my face as I told him I loved him and he'd been such a good kitty. Then as the euthanising drug was introduced, his eyes started to very faintly cloud over and suddenly that cloud was filling his pupils and i new he was gone, but gone peacefully and done with love - a much better thing than suffering anymore with the tumour in his nose.
I'd had him 18 years. My children were 11 and 13 and now they are adults and grown - my daughter has 3 children of her own. He'd seen so much of the trauma i'd been through over the years and was always a constant - bless him - but loving something also means you have to let it go.
I wasn't going to get another cat. We still have Cilla who is 15 - she's the spitting image of Scratchy. Cilla and Zibby tolerated each other...they would take swipes but they would also give a quick 'kiss' on the nose at times...a real love hate relationship. ZIbby's passing has affected her. She developed a 'stress cold' a week after Zibbs was put down and she's not been her normal self since - she is lonely.
My partner decided to drag me along to a cat rescue place... "no no" i say - Zibby's euthanising was the last straw at cat owning (i've had to do it once before with another long term pet cat and my partner's 3 elderly cat siblings have been euthanised since we've been together) - but he knows me, so we went along and found 'Hillary'. She is a quiet wee kitty and I think Cilla will perk up and feel better to have someone to care for....a fur baby for her. We get her on Saturday as she's just been speyed and micro-chipped.
Here's Hillary https://flic.kr/p/v3HtWZ
and here is the late great Zibby https://flic.kr/p/q2qrXy
I loved your other post also regarding cats and grief...so so true.
Bless - Sandy