Thursday, 30 December 2010

Awakening - Part Two - Seven Billion Soulmates

Carrying on from my previous blog…

Around the middle of April, this year, some two months after my awakening in February, I could sense that the exquisite peace I had been experiencing was beginning to deteriorate. Something was going wrong.

Now, talking about a period of a couple of months as defining a sea change of life may seem premature or overly hopeful, but it was my 36th birthday on April 8th, and in all my years, those two months were, without doubt, the happiest I’d ever known.

It was my longest episode of sustained happiness – even though I was working for minimum wage, washing dishes… something I traditionally detested, but tended to gravitate towards because I felt I had limited options in other realms of employment.

Over those two months, every day had been filled with wonder and euphoria, heightened by a sense of certainty that – at last – I’d turned the corner and my life was going to be something that actually seemed worth living for.

Because of all this, when the cracks in my peace started to appear, they were all the more threatening…

I guess I lured myself into a false sense of security on a number of issues – one of the (almost literally) most fatal being that I thought I could drink again, when throughout my life, alcohol had always been my fuel for fuckuppery.

The village I lived and worked in was six miles over a mountain pass from a main road, then another 24 miles to general civilisation, so there wasn’t much else to do of an evening except go to the pub. I didn’t even feel I was succumbing to temptation when I drank, because my life seemed so utterly different.

I didn’t drink heavily and because I rarely drank in the years before, I’d be stumbling merrily home after three or four pints and fall into bed.

But – not that I recognised it, or a lot of other things, at the time – it was veiling the light that had come so suddenly in February. Instead of a clear mind, I felt myself being drawn back to critical thinking and over-thinking. Where things had been reset and I’d been given freedom, I began to create the same old patterns of thinking that I believed so dearly that I’d left behind, and the more I sank into these thoughts, the louder and less escapable the turmoil in my head became.

I was oversteering… trying so hard to make things right again, but in doing so, I was also becoming arrogant and selfish – focussing only on myself and what I needed to repair the constant damage I was doing to myself.

It felt like sliding down the edge of a pit, scrambling and trying to grab hold of anything to keep me from falling in. I quit my job because I thought it was that that was making me unhappy, but the mental kicking I gave myself for that decision – for taking myself away from that place of perfect peace up on the mountain – became devastating.

Unseasonably snowballing through the Summer, drinking heavily, making mistake after mistake and losing the friendship of one of the greatest and most beautiful people in my life, I was standing in the ruins of the memories of the shiny life that was, and it was unbearable.

I’d experienced Heaven on Earth, and there I was in the complete opposite. When I woke, I didn’t think I’d make it through to the next sleep. I didn’t want to. I wanted silence, but not in the way I’d experienced it at Scout Rock.

Yet, in the depth of this enveloping emotional darkness, there were flashes… like something or someone wasn’t going to give up on me, and what had happened earlier in the year was trying to break through the shadow again.

It was like a personal Armageddon… like in Superman III when he battles his evil alter-ego. I realised the fight that was happening inside me, and that I had to make a conscious choice to back one of those sides in that internal struggle.

I could either give energy to the maudlin darkness that wanted depression and, inevitably, oblivion, or to the light that wanted peace and happiness.

I also remembered some words from my friend – the British TV celeb – back in April, who had advised me after a particularly arrogant Twitter tirade that I should read back my words because they were ‘all ego’.

Before then, she had told me about a book called The Power of Now, by a guy called Eckhart Tolle. She said that I’d had a similar experience to him, but – at the time – I barely took any notice, except from a brief check on Wikipedia.

At the end of August, I downloaded The Power of Now on audio book…

Here’s a brief excerpt from Eckhart’s Wikipedia entry:

In 1977, at the age of 29, after having suffered from long periods of suicidal depression, Tolle says he experienced an "inner transformation". He woke up in the middle of the night, suffering from feelings of depression that were "almost unbearable". Tolle says of the experience:

“I couldn’t live with myself any longer. And in this a question arose without an answer: who is the ‘I’ that cannot live with the self? What is the self? I felt drawn into a void. I didn’t know at the time that what really happened was the mind-made self, with its heaviness, its problems, that lives between the unsatisfying past and the fearful future, collapsed. It dissolved. The next morning I woke up and everything was so peaceful.”
The awakenings we both went through were almost identical, but back in April I really didn’t give much thought to the rumination of ‘I and myself’, so I didn’t understand the value of this excerpt. I was too clouded by arrogance.

The Power of Now gave me the revelation I needed to recognise where I went wrong earlier in the year…

However hocus-pocus it may sound… in everyone, including you, there are two ‘beings’ vying for control.

There is the pure, human spirit of you, who wants nothing but peace and happiness and love – real love. This is where the best of humanity comes from. All the truly great things in this world are the product of this pure essence of us.

… then there is the mind, or the Ego.

Your Ego is a very powerful, but very false sense of consciousness. It tries to make you believe that you are it, when it is actually nothing more than a state of malfunctioned thought which enslaves you to it.

Paradoxically, while the Ego doesn’t actually exist, it dominates almost the entirety of human society and civilisation, causing untold pain and suffering to billions of people across the planet.

It will control your life, this… phantom… and in all likelihood, you won’t even know, because you just accept it, and society accepts it as the normal state of being.

The Ego pulls your consciousness to the past and future, but there is no true life in either illusion.

The only place that life exists is right now.

There was a phrase I used to say to myself, usually with a smile on my face, when I was up at Scout Rock. I would look at the world and declare: “My reality!”

It was a statement that affirmed my presence in the present moment; where I recognised the now – and I always said it when I felt that perfect peace that I hadn’t known existed until it was ‘gifted’ to me.

Before I knew anything of The Power of Now, I was living it.

Eckhart Tolle said: "Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life."

Christ said: “Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself."

The Buddha said: “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

Les Floyd said: “My reality!”

Weird, eh?

How could it be possible that I would spontaneously come to the same conclusions that these great people did… unless I share the same greatness?

I do believe I share that same greatness, and I believe there are close to seven billion people on this planet who share it… though many remain unaware, for the moment.

All across the world, people are waking up. It seems that every other person I meet, now, has some element of spiritual belief, and if you are doubtful of my words– ask around your close friends and family and you will very likely find someone close to you who is aware of this change that has gone beyond just beginning.

You may be experiencing it yourself, but the recognition isn’t there, yet.

Have you ever said that someone was your soulmate?

If you put that concept into the realm of science and fact, and subject it to the test of physical senses, it is absurd.

Yet, in their arms, there’s an elusive knowing that goes deeper than thought.

And this ‘greatness’ isn’t religion… it’s the timeless foundational energy which religion rose from, as a way of trying to explain.

One of my best friends is an atheist, but he lives and treats people like a Zen master would. He’s probably the most in-tune spiritualist that I know, yet he doesn’t believe in it.

I’m not religious. This is about being human and the awareness of real life, and there are too few people in the world who truly know that experience.


I could blather for an age, but from now, in this blog, I’m going to move away from theory and start documenting the practice of living in the moment, and the benefits that come from it.

I feel I’m going to be able to teach people, but I’ve learnt the lesson that I can’t break through brick walls – and nor should I be able to.

If you have any questions, then email me at:

If you want to laugh at or insult me, or suggest good psychiatric care, the address is:


Happy New Year to you all! 2011 is going to be pretty special! ;-)


  1. You are right! It's not about religion or spirituality or new age, even though all those things would like to keep it for themselves as carrots to for people join their parade to salvation.

    Pure being is everyone's nature and therefore it can be accessed by everyone. There's nothing spectacular about it, it's just taking a good look on oneself, which we aren't used to do.

    When the teacher is ready the student will arrive. When the student is ready the teacher will arrive.

    Happy writing!

    1. Awesome! I am getting the feeling that the teacher & the student are one in the same.

  2. Perfect, yes! I think too many people search for peace and feel there must be a complex path towards enlightenment. I've written on Twitter that you may well find peace by trekking up a mountain in Tibet, but only because you took it there with you in the first place. 'Civilisation' has lost that simple truth through many centuries of over-complicating life. But times are changing. ;-)

    Thank you so much for your comments! You are a very wise soul. :-)

  3. Great post! I like how you point out that you don't have to be religious to be spiritual. I identify myself as a Buddhist, but I am also an atheist. There is no contradiction there (a fact which many people find difficult to grasp) as in many Buddhist systems of thought there is no need for a god. Indeed the central philosophy all but precludes it.

    In any case, that's not my point. The point is that as you said, everyone has the peace inside of them, but they miss it.

    They get too caught up in form, and miss the true nature of things. When I think about religion or philosophy or spirituality, I always recall one of my favorite Bruce Lee quotes: "It is like a finger pointing to the moon; stare at the finger and you will miss all that heavenly glory."

  4. Yeah, I came to the conclusion a while back that atheism and spiritualism are pretty much the same thing - except atheists get a nice surprise when they die.

    I think you'll find that we share a lot of ground - the 'Meaning of Life' and 'Futility of Regret' posts are pertinent to the last two paragraphs.

    Thank you so much for the comment! :-)

  5. Hi Lee, I am so glad I came across your blog today. Your experience sounds so similar to mine. I had a sudden awakening with exactly those feelings and almost the exact words and thoughts were in my journey. Something led me to type on twitter on May 19th 2011 I typed in complete hope, with belief, and I tweeted "My next tweet will change the world"
    I then continued tweeting while living in the present and typed all kind of power words. Faith, Believe, Love, Hope, Forgiveness. My thought at that time my belief in the power of setting aside myself and tweeting how I wish the world and everyone in it could live. When I was done i had hundereds of tweet and 24 hours had went by.I have not read your whole blog yet. Just the first page and your awakening pages but will read the rest after I type this. I had not been a religious person myself but the only way I could explain the thoughts were through my higher self or God.
    I have put together a blog and made 10 posts about my journey and posted all 24 hours of tweets. I have given God the credit because that is the only way I could explain it. I knew somehow it was not religious in the normal sense of religioun. I had no desire to preach or go to church but I did have perfect clarity about living in the moment and letting go of all hate and fear. I want everyone to have this feeling and I know the world is coming together.
    I was wondering if in your clarity if you felt like you were seeing above the clutter and just got it. I see all my past as necessary for me to get to the freedom that momment gave me. I can also say I am confused but trying not to think about it. I started listening to other people and really hearing them without being skeptical of everything and battling my mind with what to do. I just am trying to live in my moment letting my heart lead the way and not letting my brain stop me. If you read this I would very much like your persoanl oppinion of my adventure. My blog is at and I am @derbyman32 on twitter. I am going to read the rest of your posts now and will also email this comment to you in hope you will see it and help me become the person I was meant to be.
    Thank you
    Doug Curts

  6. Wow Les, I am more and more convinced that in life we are meant to meet certain people and they will show up when the time is right. The student was ready and Les the teacher showed up! I was introduced to Tolle and his "The New Earth" a few years ago and have been trying very hard to walk daily in the "now" moment of everyday. Recently, I moved across Canada from South Eastern Ontario To Calgary Alberta. I felt in my spirit that it was time to move and as I settle, I quickly realize how accurate I was in listening to the voice inside to move. I am happier and am living closer to the "NOW", that I spoke of earlier,ten I have been I a dogs age!
    I am so delighted to have crossed paths with you Les...enjoy the moment!

  7. That's wonderful, Derrick! I'm delighted to cross paths with you, too - and thank you so much for the enthusiastic response to my writing. :-)

    Send me an email? The address is:

    Great to meet you! :-)

  8. Again, I'll say - why put a name on it? This world is so political, that even religion is not safe. Follow instead wisdom and understanding. Clearly the major religions each have something right - something resonates strongly with each of its followers. As a Christian I'll say, not even the religion with which I associate maintains a complete grasp on truth - God is not limited to our theology, or even our descriptions. So I call out to God, and you connect with this sense of peace and vitality, and it directs us in paths of wisdom and healing, regardless of how we frame our beliefs.

    Loving your blog!

  9. Hi Bek - thank you for your comments, both here and on part one of this topic. You are a very refreshing Christian. Hehe. I am sure that any god would be much wiser than the product of a few thousands years of human civilisation and would certainly have advanced past the bigotry shown by many Christians in their interpretation of the Bible.

    Written rules are the stuff of men. Feel your heart and do the right thing and you'll never be far off the true track of real life. :-)

  10. I like that you're so honest with yourself and us about what's going on in your mind. You're right, the state of the present is not about religious doctrine but something everyone should be mindful of.

  11. It would be a wonderful world if we'd all find the human, rather than religious, truth. :-)

  12. Thank You for sharing your awakening!

    Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of freedom. Forgiveness of others & of self.

    Keeping it in the moment is what keeps us in the new found place of freedom.

    I have experienced this awakening also.

    After one experiences their personal awakening, it is crucial to continue to move forward by surrounding one's self with positive energy.

    In this life it is impossible not to encounter negativity, its how we process it and eliminate negative encroauchments that is important to stay in your new found place.

    Many Blessings to you :)

  13. Yes, Katie, and we should realise that it is our right and our power to move away from negativity if we can't influence it to become a positive force.

    Blessings to you, too. :-)

  14. Well hello fellow traveler and soulmate! Love your perspective. I had the same experience when I discovered Tolle. It was as if all the things I innately knew in my heart were validated by his words. I keep his books close at hand when I need an antidote for the ego-toxin that builds up in my veins,clogging my clarity. So good to read someone else's experiences. Glad to know that I am not crazy or either there r millions of us that are! Thanks and a big hug from the U.S.! Bonnie Augustine

  15. Thank you for reading through, Bonnie. :-)

    The Tolle connection was so peculiar, because it was seven months from my own awakening to reading The Power of Now for the first time - and the experience he had was so familiar... almost identical.

    Being a writer, I'd already scribbled down loads of notes on my journey over that year, and it was uncanny just how similar they were to things I later read in his book.

    I think that's one of the most reassuring things about the past 18 months... it seemed so impossible that I could spontaneously draw this same knowledge - and without any prior study or teaching - that it became clear that it must be something we all share.

    And there are so many people waking up... I steer away from plunging into the mystical, but something is definitely happening - and that gives me real hope that perhaps it's not too late to change the world. If millions become billions, we can do that. :-)

  16. Whoa.. I came to a realization about the energy & all religion stemming from it after a deep depression that sent me reading an odd mixture of religious book of various kinds & journals on partical & theoretical physics... Very awesome to see someone else thinks so too!

  17. Hehe, cool. There are a lot of us waking up - the method doesn't matter, as long as we help make the world a little better by doing so. :-)

  18. This was posted on my birthday last year. I just found your blog today and I'm in a low after some glimpses of greatness. Not sure how to move past a "slight" Lol, committed against me. I'm reading your words on forgiveness and how no one can cause me emotional pain. I have read this type of thing before, felt that pure happiness, but not sustained. I'd like to get there, I think.

  19. Would you like to email me about it... maybe you could explain further? I'll do my best to help you.

    The address is

  20. Great writing and great revelations! Cheers to a happy, healthy life!

  21. It definitely is happening out there (here too ;-) ). At least I hope I will be able to do the work to get there. I sent you an Email by the way, but to the adress mentioned in your blog (no, not the mailer-daemon one - that comment of yours really made me laugh, nice touch).

  22. I thoroughly enjoyed part 1 and 2 of your blog. The bit I know about is slipping back into overthinking and negativity and actually feeling the grief of distance from that delicious knowing and clarity and connection with the beauty and perfection of life that I had known before. I'm on the turn back to that place now and your postings are part of the journey. Thank you! I'm a new follower on Twitter and am delighted to have found you!

  23. Hmm, a few people have recommended the Power of Now to me, but I couldn't get through it when I tried to read it before. Maybe I just wasn't ready. I'll have to make a trip to the library and get a copy and give another go. Thanks Les. :)

  24. I am so happy for you in your Awakening!!...It must be the most refreshing feeling in the world!!!! I have been telling my Mother for years that religious laws are man made. She would yell at me for doing laundry on Sunday or eating meat on Friday!!!! I used to say what kind of laws are these?.. it makes no sense. These laws banish our free will... I believe in a higher spiritual being but I don't believe in all the man made laws that they have attached to this belief!!! I have seen many strange things in my life that I could never explain and that is just clues of a more spiritual realm out there...BTW Love your blog....

  25. Very late comment here, but this: Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself - is something my dad scrawled on a scrap of paper. I won't go on, you can probably guess the rest. He was a proud man, not religious, not given to emotional gesture. I still have that scrap of paper. Carry it around. I even copied the quote in calligraphy hand to give to members of the family. I was never quite sure why. Hmm? Food for thought.

  26. Beautiful insights! It has nothing to do with being religious or spiritual; the very word spiritual implies an artificial split- and we are simply beings, being human, with depth and complexity and simplicity beyond what we can fathom. Except in moments of wholeness. The more years I gain, the more I realize how this journey is so much about integration into oneness/wholeness, rather than fragmentation and differences, attachment and aversion, likes and dislikes. And wholeness= lack of internal conflict, which = PEACE.
    Wishing you peace,

  27. It has been such a journey for you, and I am glad that you have found your wakening! Very few people ever achieve reach this journey in life. I have not experience the kind of awakening that you have, but I would like to think that i have achieve some sort of awakening myself.


  28. Reminds me of a great book, a classic, The Present. Great read!

  29. Thank you for sharing this post. Your words resonate with me. I felt that euphoria slip away as I frantically try to close the cracks of pandemonium punching through. The pandemonium was in my mind - the fear that pervades at the thought of loss. And then suddenly (after what feels like ages) I seemed to be standing again. And I walked forward.

    Perchance, when we discover that we are not alone, that we are all connected, that we are all strong, all beautiful, that our dreams matter... those little cracks might be easier to mend should they ever appear again.

  30. Yes I consider myself a Christian, and read Eckhart's book, and many others. Are you a Christian Les? finally someone on the net talking about waking up! I also am a writer, and wanted to write spiritually but worried noone would know what the hell I was talking about!

  31. I just found this today, and I understand the concept perfectly and totally got what you said about the feelings of peace. I remember when I had my first "moment" of awareness. But it took me a long time to realize, it's not the place I was visiting, or the people I was with that caused this amazing feeling. Once I accepted no other moment would be like that one, that each one is a different moment of aah..that I had just to stop searching for them..they came easier and more frequently. It's an inside job of getting ego out of the way of self.