Monday, 14 January 2013

Introducing... Orion the Jedi Cat!


They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but my superb, little fluffy friend, Orion, is proof that kitties are far superior at advancing their skills in later years.

Orion - non-identical twin of Titan the Ticklepuss - developed the Jedi Mind Trick ability (displayed in the videograph above) at the aged of 12, and while his brother has to meow loudly to demand us to do his bidding, Orion learnt that waving his paw at his human assistants melts our hearts and makes us carry out his wishes in a much more prompt fashion.

It is completely irresistible and I'm surprised he doesn't weigh 50kg, since each time we open the fridge, he's there on the kitchen table, paw out, with his cute commandment to feed him bits of ham or chicken, or ham and chicken.

When he's sitting on the computer desk and we're looking too long at not him, the little paw gently brushes against our forearms and a snuggly stroke is immediately delivered.

I don't know what compelled Orion to teach himself how to do this, especially in his advancing years, but it was a stroke of feline genius.

Clever boy!


Sunday, 13 January 2013

Be My Guest



UPDATE: Currently unable to take any more guest blogs, due to the fantastic response, but may open the scheme up again in future.

I’ve decided, after many requests over the past couple of years, to open my blog up to guest bloggers.

The idea is to feature one guest per week, promoting their writing and their ideas throughout that week in the same way that I would my own new blogs, then possibly adding them to my ‘blog roll’ of scheduled Tweets which appear every three nanoseconds in my Twitter feed.

Since February 2010, I’ve had over 750,000 individual page views on my blog, with many articles being read tens of thousands of times, in over 170 countries around this world of ours. I’ve built up a following of more than 100,000 people on Twitter.

All things considered, it’s not a bad arena to present your writing to.

I am looking for quite specific topics, however – which I’ll detail shortly – and it’s important that any articles I consider publishing to my social network are quality pieces, completely original (i.e. having not appeared on your own blog, previously, or lifted straight out of an Eckhart Tolle lecture) and of a good standard of writing.

You’ll be fully credited (with links to your Twitter/Facebook/Website, etc.) and, of course, retain copyright of anything that I may publish through @Lesism.

(I won’t publish anything that’s overtly commercial, but I am happy to include links to books and so on.)

The only thing I ask is that you refrain from re-publishing the blog on your own site for a minimum of seven days, though I'm happy to remove content on request.

To the topics…

If you’ve read through my blogs, you’ll have picked up that there’s a general theme of self-help, in areas of present awareness/mindfulness, spirituality and depression, and those are the subjects I’d like guest bloggers to write on.

Now, I think I have to make a distinction between spirituality and religion, because I’m not religious and I won’t publish fundamental religious stuff, but that’s not to say I would dismiss genuinely helpful articles that include reference to a person’s faith.

Also, articles on depression need to be uplifting! Whether you’ve found a way to cope with it or have overcome it completely, present it in a way that will inspire and help others.

I’m particularly interested in hearing other ‘Awakening’ stories, and I know there are many of you out there who have experienced the phenomenon.

If you feel like you could produce a solid blog on any of the above (or you have a REALLY GREAT cat story), please email me a pitch at:


Please write ‘GUEST BLOG’ in the email header.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Hugs,

Les

I'd be most appreciative if you’d give my Facebook Page it a LIKE:


Thursday, 20 December 2012

The Transformation of Humanity



Good news is rarely reported in this world of ours.

In each minute of the horrendous events in Connecticut, last week - which left 27 innocent children and adults dead – there were approximately 255 births across the world… perhaps a thousand new births while that man I don’t want to and won’t remember unleashed his madness.

I don’t believe in supernatural evil, but it’s true that some humans are capable of expressing and executing a most unnatural and malevolent manifestation of hate. This is a psychological aberration, rather than demonic influence.

The mind – the egoic mind - can become a very dark place, and it is a human trait that we can become, all too easily, lost in that darkness.

I found out, a couple of weeks ago, that my friend from school killed herself.

Ironically, she was a mental-health nurse, and cared for many people through her career. She made some bad decisions, it seems… she slept with one or more of her patients, and when that was found out, she spiralled into that shadow of mind which convinced her that the best option was to take her life. She died in a mental hospital.

I loved that woman, when I was a teenager… I adored everything about her… and I mourn her. I am so sad that I wasn’t there to help her see a way through.

I realise she’s like humanity in microcosm.

All the people she helped, and all the life she had ahead, and she must have been so focussed on the negatives that she neglected to realise how bright and beautiful she was… and is… and how much she still had to give to the world.

What she did… it didn’t matter… not in the grand scheme of things… she just had human feelings with others who had human feelings… but the pressure from outside caused her to believe that she was no longer useful or worthy to this world of ours. And she killed herself.

When tragedies occur, in our world – when many people die at once – we too quickly assume that it’s the state of our world.

What we fail to remember is that for every person who dies, many children are born; or for every celebrity divorce, multitudes more fall in love.

We are a beautiful species, bound by love, and love is such a special thing.

We wouldn’t still exist if we didn’t love each other.

Humanity is transforming all the time. It doesn’t take one day of superstition to mark this.

Love.

Everyone close to you.

Love.

Everyone you think you can’t love.

Love.

Forgive.

And you WILL transform humanity.

And if you can do that, you are a gift to our species and this Universe.

Love.

Friday, 17 August 2012

Present Awareness & the Conditioned Ego

I want to address some common misconceptions about the practice of present awareness, using a few paraphrased, generic statements – the bones of which have been expressed to me over the past year, in response to various blogs I’ve written.

Firstly, though, I’ll reaffirm that I firmly believe that there are no negatives to present awareness; that it releases us from emotional pain, fear, worry, anxiety, depression and a whole host of other mind-related issues and problems that are too common in our world, up to and including civil and global warfare.

Some people aren’t so convinced, to the point they will dismiss and argue against the concept from the outset, without investigating the potential benefits.

Human beings have been conditioned to become creatures of ego, through the manipulation of - amongst others - political, religious, corporate and media institutions.

If you disagree with that and would brush me off as a conspiracy theorist, here are a few questions for you to consider:
  • What makes a person racist? Did they come up with their cancerous belief system themselves, or were they taught it by others – their parents, their communities, etc.?
  • Why is there still such animosity against the gay community? Is this the product of individual experience, or is it in response to what religious institutions tell people is right and wrong, and which has seeped into society as a whole – even taken on board by those of a non-religious persuasion?
  • What drives millions of people to destroy each other during national and global conflicts? Is it that every person suddenly decided that they wanted an enemy, or were they told who their enemy was – often, under punishment of social isolation or even death if they disagreed?

So, although the thoughts and opinions in your head may well be your experience of life, they’re not necessarily the product of deduction in your own mind – in many cases, they’re enforced upon you through conditioning.

The above are extreme examples of the collective ego; our ‘pack mentality’, so to speak.

Here are four examples of how conditioning affects us, on a smaller scale:
  • A child is three times more likely to smoke if their parents smoke.
  • Girls are ten times more likely to be overweight if their parents are obese.
  • Boys who witness domestic violence are more likely to commit domestic violence as an adult.
  • A child is more likely to experience depression if one of their parents suffered from depression. That risk doubles if both parents were depressed.

No parent wants their child to be an obese, depressed, spouse-beating smoker, but, just as they themselves have been unconsciously conditioned by their parents and society, they unconsciously pass on these flaws to their offspring.

There may be arguments on genetics, here, but even with a genetic predisposition to obesity, you still have to physically load the food into your mouth. You don’t gain weight from swallowing air.

Likewise, a predisposition to depression does not mean you will suffer from depression, but if your environmental conditioning is full of negativity, causing you self-doubt, low self-esteem and anxiety, you may very well become depressed.

What can we do about this?

The remedy to unconscious living is conscious living: i.e. present awareness, or mindfulness, or however you prefer to label it – it’s the same thing.

This is available to pretty much everyone, right now, and it’s free.

Which leads me to the first of those generic statements I mentioned at the start of this post:

“It’s easier said than done!”

Being happy and content is just about the easiest thing in the world, when you remember to look at life in a positive way – and this is something you already know how to do, instinctively, but which you’ve unlearned through conditioning.

What’s really, really, really hard is going through a severe bout of depression, when your ego has tricked you into giving it all your energy and your mind is consumed by negative, destructive, compulsive over-thinking.

The ‘easier said than done’ statement comes from your ego, because your ego doesn’t want you to be happy. It will put mental barriers in the way of that possibility, because it thrives on the suffering it causes both you and itself.

Ignore it. It’s an arse.

Rather than the pessimistic affirmation of “It’s easier said than done!”, charge your mind with positivity and say to yourself: “Yeah, I can do that!

What have you got to lose from studying, learning and living a live of present awareness?

Second statement:

“Living in the moment would mean abandoning my studies and not caring about my future. My whole life would collapse.”

Present awareness doesn’t mean that you float through life, in the moment, disregarding your ambitions and dreams.

Rather, you’ll find that those ambitions and dreams are more readily transmutable into intentions and plans, because once you flush all of the negative crap out of your head, you uncover a seemingly miraculous inner-energy well of creativity, and that floods the space where all that pointless debris you’d clung onto for decades used to be.

If you build a house, you build it in the moment. The placement of every brick, beam and frame is done in the physical, living moment – not three months ahead.

Maybe in three months, you’ll want to put a roof on it, and perhaps you’ll write up some designs and plans for what you want that roof to look like, but you’ll never get the chance to do that if you don’t keep building the walls, will you?

Your life won’t collapse by engaging in present awareness. You’ll be able to build it stronger than you ever thought you could.

Statement three:

“Letting go of my pain from the past would mean I don’t care. These things made me who I am and I don’t want to forget, or I wouldn’t be myself.”

I jumped off a wall when I was a young boy and landed on a stick that went through the join in my knee; I once stapled my thumb – the staple went right in and I had to pull it out; I stood on a nail that was sticking out of a plank of wood; I once pressed my finger against a car’s cigarette lighter to see if it was hot… and it scorched my fingerprint off…

I don’t jump off walls into bushes any more; I don’t staple myself; I am cautious about nails in planks of wood and I don’t put my fingers on things that I know will probably scorch me.

I do all of the above without feeling any pain.

How absurd would it be if I’d kept all of those things still sticking in me, or stuck onto my sizzling skin, for all these years?

Many of us learn valuable lessons from the episodes in our life that catalyse emotional pain (and remember that nobody can cause you emotional pain – that can only come from within, with your interpretation of their words and/or actions), but what most of us don’t seem to learn is that we need to let that pain go.

Without that process of acceptance, forgiveness and closure, it would be like me keeping that stick in my knee… trying to struggle through life, bearing the agony, the wound septic and never healing…

Don’t let your ego drag you into the past to justify the misery of your unconscious existence, when the past is nothing but electrical patterns in your brain.

Consider… if you could let go of all your negativity, distrust, anxiety, sadness, fear, and so on, and so on…

… and if you could live with contentment, in peace, with frequent bouts of joy and happiness…

… do you think your life would be a better or worse experience?

You have something so powerful inside you… and if you haven’t found it yet, but you want to find it, you will.

The truth is you could have it right now.

Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Desiderata


Desiderata, by Max Ehrmann, is my all-time favourite poem. Where some people cling to the words of the Bible or the Koran through arduous, challenging times, I smile at these words.

There is a bit of backstory to how I discovered this poem, though…

Seventeen years ago, before the Internet, I met a girl named Jo at the nightclub I used to haunt, in my home city of Carlisle.

She was beautiful. Brown eyes, olive skin, a perfect body, and she would have earned a Gold Medal in bedroom gymnastics.

It turned out she was not for me… actually, I found out a few weeks later that she was engaged to a police detective in the city, and he had the capacity to get quite annoyed about his girlfriend’s indiscretions… but, ho-hum… I didn’t know that, previously.

So, when she left, the next morning… a little later, I was going to write in my diary (which I still kept, back then) about the previous night.

On the page I was going to write on, I read the words:

“You are a child of the Universe; no less than the trees or the stars. You have a right to be here.”

Jo had scrawled it in there.

She seemed the sort of person who could whip those words from her heart, so I always thought they belonged to her.

We only ever met each other in passing, after that momentous night, but she’ll always be someone important, to me.

It was around 15 years later, when the world was getting to grips with the Internet, that I put those words she wrote to me into a search engine, and found this wonderful poem:


Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.


© Max Ehrmann 1927

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

The Cat Olympics 2014


Now that the Queen has finally stopped Jubilating, and with the rather enjoyable London 2012 Olympic Games done and dusted, I get the impression the people of Great Britain (and Northern Ireland) are going to feel a bit lost over the next few years.

With the exception of the impending Paralympic Games, and excluding the remote possibility of a state funeral for yet-to-die former Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, there are no great celebrations left on the horizon. We’ve done them all. Granted, we did them well, but now they’re over.

So, in order to invigorate and ignite the British spirit once more, I’ve decided to push my best idea ever (thus far):

The Inaugural Oxfordshire Cat Pride Olympiad 2014


In 2014 (subject to funding), the Oxfordshire town of Wheatley, in England, will be hosting its inaugural Cat Pride Olympiad (which you may have realised is just the same information in the subtitle, above, but padded out a bit to more effectively fill some paragraph space).

Cats, kittens and their personal assistants will gather from all four corners of the globe to compete in a multitude of disciplines, including:

The High Jump of Surprise

Judged on the vertical launch height achieved by the cat when it is startled.


Laser Pen Gymnastics

Judged on grace and poise, with extra points for red-dot contact and buffoonery.

Boxing

Single and synchronised attempts to fit into the smallest box possible.


The Down and Up the Stairs (Singles)

The cat runs down the stairs, stops stock still in the living room, looks up at the ceiling with lowered ears, growls, then runs dramatically back up the stairs, freaking out the cat’s personal assistant, who now thinks the house is haunted.

The Down and Up the Stairs (Doubles Relay)

One cat runs down the stairs, stops stock still in the living room, looks up at the ceiling with lowered ears, growls, and the other cat - who was just sitting quietly on a chair, snoozing – spooks and legs it up the stairs, freaking out the cats’ personal assistant, who now thinks the house is haunted.

Snow Jumping

How far a confused, cold kitten can jump from the hole they made when you dropped them in deep snow, for a giggle.


The Catathlon

Across a fence, down a wall, through a cat flap, curl into a ball and sleep.

The Grass Throw

Both a timing and distance discipline, beginning from the moment the cat begins eating a clump of grass, then the distance from the cat’s mouth the pool of bile and chewed grass eventually ends up. Double points if it’s on carpet. Triple points if it’s on the cat’s assistant’s bed.

The Superbowl

How fast can a hungry kitty clean its bowl of meaty chunks?

The 5am Howl

How loud, in decibels, can a cat meow before its personal assistant feels compelled to get out of bed to feed them?

Dressage

Timing how long it takes, from beginning to dress the cat up in an humiliating outfit, until its personal assistant loses some blood.


Synchronised Sleeping


The Perch of Danger

The cat’s attempt to find the highest, most precarious place they can sit. Extra points if they fall asleep, there, without falling off.


I’m sure you’ll all agree that this festival of the world’s finest felines will make London 2012 look like a gathering of village idiots, and I hope you’ll all give me your support as I move forward and work towards raising the mere $30 billion needed to ensure the Games are a stunning, and secure, success.

This $40 billion will go primarily towards:
  • Cat toys.
  • Cat food.
  • Lactose-free milk.
  • Scratching posts.
  • 14 x 2.5 megaton nuclear warheads, with ICBM delivery systems (for general security purposes)
  • A giant, 500ft high, solid gold statue of a cat, with living quarters, which – as Executive Chief King of the Feline Olympic Committee – I’ll live in, during the games.
  • A hollowed-out volcanic island – which I’ll live in, after the games.
Every single penny of the £55 billion budget will go towards advancing the spirit of cats competing in Olympics, so, please, donate today!

Looking forward to seeing you in Wheatley in 2014! :-)

Monday, 13 August 2012

Goodbye, Cool World


I have to confess (though it’s technically not true that I have to confess – it’s not like I’m sitting at the keyboard because someone’s standing over me with a loaded harpoon gun) that I wasn’t completely convinced about the whole Olympics thing.

I was quite the lardist when I was a surly teenager, so never really took part in sporting activities in school. In fact, I’m certain those were the lessons I most frequently truanted.

I have post-traumatic flashbacks of the zing noise a rugby ball makes when it punts off your face, first lesson on an already red-faced, frosty December morning; the agony of being punched right in the nuts when in a scrum; panting for miles, down the sloping school playing field, chasing a tennis ball that had been whacked past me, again; and standing around in a field, yawning, waiting for cricket to become interesting, which never happened.

I wasn’t quite in the camp of people who wanted to burn down the Olympics, melt all the winners’ medals and from that metal, cast bullets that could be used in an uprising against the Queen, but I wasn’t too enthusiastic about the arrival of the Games, and sometimes got quite irate about it.

Here were my main gripes:
  • It documents sport.
  • The military put ground-to-air missile launchers in civilian areas around London, and I’m thinking: you can’t shoot a jet down in a city as densely populated as this and not have massive casualties.
  • The whole Coca-Cola/McDonalds/Scientology sponsorship pact that outlawed mortal use of the number 2012.
  • Sebastian Coe.
  • David Cameron’s face… all the time… going on about the Olympics…
  • The fear that women beach volleyballers would all opt to wear shorts instead of thongs.
  • That bloody torch… everywhere… each day…
  • The over-zealous heavies acting as jogging body guards around the torch, who actually threw an old woman into a bush.
  • Sport… everywhere… for two long weeks…

All that changed when Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II accompanied James Bond to a helicopter…


As with the Royal Wedding, The Queen’s Jubilee and Princess Diana’s funeral, the Olympics reaffirmed that Great Britain (and Northern Ireland) can really throw a groovy party… or whatever the youngsters say, nowadays. A sick party, maybe?

Anyway, so – like countless others, I’m sure – I pretty much relaxed to the idea of liking the Olympics, especially when there was such a great buzz about the country.

Watching Andy Murray get Gold in the singles tennis was my biggest highlight, though I was disappointed he didn’t start crying again.

Murray is the only person – amongst more than seven billion people on the planet – who can say he won the London 2012 Gold Medal for men’s singles tennis.

It was a bit of an epiphany to realise that people like Murray, Hoy, Wiggins and the outstanding Ennis could only have dreamt of those gold medals if they hadn’t dedicated themselves, absolutely, to the pursuit of personal perfection and transmuted what most people would allow to remain thoughts, into action and results.


What we put in, we get out, as so many of the athletes who contested these Olympics will know already. (I don’t think that rule applies at sperm banks, though.)

Sport aside (and thank chemical chance/God/Odin/L.Ron.Hubbard that cricket isn’t in the Olympics), I really enjoyed the pageant of the Games. We put on a great show and it was wonderful to be reminded just how rich Great Britain (and Northern Ireland)’s cultural heritage is… and that’s the way to capture the real heart of a people… not by looking at our politicians or assuming we’re all like Daphne from Frasier, or her supposedly English brother who sounded just like an American doing a very bad English accent.

Pink Floyd, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Queen, The Who, Madness, The Kinks, Genesis, Duran Duran, The Reynolds Girls, Titchy Straddler… the list of musical masters goes on and on…

It actually seems like Great Britain (and Northern Ireland) has been in party mode for the best part of more than a year, after the Royal Wedding, last whenever, and the Queen’s Diamond Jubilations, earlier this so-called Summer.

On behalf of Her Majesty, and on the behalf of cheddar cheese, Cadbury’s chocolate, Stone Henge, Big Ben, Piers Morgan, Monty Python and rain, I would like to extend my deepest thanks to everyone who participated in London 2012, whether that was by volunteering, competing, watching, or by flicking a channel and cheering your team from thousands of miles away.

And how nice that North Korea and Iran could win medals alongside the UK, the US and Iceland.

Perhaps all the problems of the world should be solved through competitive sport?