I wrote in a previous blog that I didn’t feel I was walking a Spiritual Path, but, rather, sitting in a Spiritual Garden. It was an off-the-cuff remark that I later realised was such an accurate description of my life, in the moment, and expanding on the concept may be helpful to others who are awakening.
Although it would be a lie to say that I’m happy 100% of the time, it’s very definitely true I’m 100% most of the time. I have my challenges, both internal and external, but I get through them like I never did in the past. If I have a bad day, it’s not the crashing end of the inner-peace I have, it’s an opportunity to recognise the issue, let it go, learn and become even stronger than before.
My cup is refillable…
I used to say that my cup was half full… of wasps… so there’s a marked improvement there!
I think that most other ‘Awakeners’ will identify here, in that, when you awaken, there is a sense of “What do I do now?”
From, seemingly, out of nowhere, you are gifted the most exquisite peace and clarity, and of course it feels amazing. Your senses are heightened, your appreciation and perception of the world becomes so acute that even the Sun shining on your face feels like a miracle… four and a half billion years old, and there it is, each day, lighting your way, radiating light and life.
So, suddenly, you’re liberated from all of the agitation and suffering of mind… you’ve been removed from the dysfunctional collective consciousness that, for thousands of years, has betrayed our species…
“What do I do now?”
The question contains a contradiction that can draw us back into the betrayal of the unconscious mind – otherwise known as the ego.
While appearing to recognise the present moment, the ego is scheming to find a way out of it. Rather than accepting what is, there’s an urge for more, and – if left unchecked – the ego will always want more… and more… and more…
When you are completely present in the living moment, all of your negative thoughts will be silenced. If you are totally immersed in your senses - such as while mountain walking, dancing, listening intently to music or playing it, stroking a cat, painting, making love, or a whole host of other things – all of your worries will fall away.
This is the state of true consciousness.
If you are entirely in your mind, with your physical reactions on auto-pilot, you can still do all of these things, but you’ll be thinking about something else. You’ll reflect on the past and project yourself to the future, with fear, sadness, pain and uncertainty being the primary emotions.
This is the unconscious state… and this is the only place ego can survive. This is where fear is fermented, anger and hatred is stoked, jealousy is fuelled, battles are plotted, prejudices exacted and judgements forged.
It’s a phantom, in that it doesn’t exist, but at the same time dominates our world, because for millennia we have been conditioned to believe it’s who we are… but we are so much greater than this illusion.
So, meandering back…
Through awakening, you find yourself living without the constraint of ego… but if you had no concept of ego in the first place, you’ll likely have no idea on how to defend yourself against its inevitable attempt to claim you back as its own.
Most spontaneous awakenings seem to be sparked by traumatic events or come as a snapping point after long periods of emotional pain, so though it’s a truly beautiful, miraculous experience, without awareness of ego, we can still be very vulnerable to relapse and a return to the darker places of the mind.
Many people, it seems, go immediately from awakening to assuming they must become some sort of activist, or join their local church, or read dozens of books on dozens of different theories, or seek help from others…
I tried the latter…
I had a curious ‘friendship’ with a former celebrity who told me I had a ‘Divine Number’ of 33, which she called ‘Christ Energy’. She wrote, in an email: “You do realise the implications of that?” Of course I didn’t, and when I read about it online, it was a bit disturbing, and not the sort of thing I wanted to consider, fresh out of two decades of ‘mental health’ problems.
She also said she believed I was an ‘Architect of the Fifth Dimension – one of the people who will build the Golden Cities after Armageddon’ and, later, that she felt I’d had an ‘angelic walk-in’ – basically that my body had been taken over by an angel, and I had died gone to heaven. Really!
Our friendship broke down twice, and each time, she unleashed a tirade of abuse, questioning my mental health and calling me, amongst other things, ‘bonkers’ and ‘a psycho’.
Now, she’s ‘rebranding’ herself as a ‘heart-centred thought leader’. She’s going to build on her media presence to give possibly the same sort of advice she gave to me, to the masses… which I find very chilling indeed.
Um… when you want to learn to spin plates, make sure you go to a teacher who isn’t standing knee-deep in a pile of broken crockery, amidst shuddering poles that have no plates spinning on them. Of course, it’s okay if they smash a few now and again, but when all they have is theory and no practice, you’re best to look elsewhere for training.
So here’s my advice, from experience… from practice, not theory… on what Spiritual Path you should follow after awakening…
Just sit in your Spiritual Garden. Let it grow around you. Nurture it with peace. Enjoy the tranquillity of your new space and the freedom in your heart.
Meditate, simply by letting go of your thoughts. Sit comfortably, close your eyes and stare out into that inky void. Listen. Feel the energy in your body and move your awareness around it. If you are distracted by noise, make that noise part of your meditation… because it is part of your moment and your experience of life. If a dog is barking, listen to the dog. If a truck roars by, listen to the truck. Don’t let your mind make excuses that you’re being distracted, when it’s just the annoyance of the ego that you’ll be reacting to.
Don’t rush yourself. Let go of any sense of urgency to be somewhere else.
If you make mistakes, recognise them, learn from them and let go. To beat yourself up about them would be to feed the ego’s strength. To forgive yourself diminishes its power all the more.
Don’t set yourself on a new journey when you’ve already arrived…
Just sit, in peace, enjoy the Sunshine and watch your garden bloom.
It may appear - to those with just a theoretical understanding of spirituality and awakening - that you are wasting time, but this period of growth and self-nurturing, hidden from them, leads to a far greater strength within.
When you are ready… and only when you are ready… then you can decide what to bring in to your garden… what you plant, build and create, what new knowledge you take in or new skills you learn, and you can even lay a path, if you choose.